Focusing on how creativity feels today… in Santa Fe
It’s Wednesday? I don’t know what day it is.
I was so close to writing about external markers of creative accomplishment. I broke my months-long silence on my Instagram story today and posted a blog to my first ever live website (this one). It’s huge, because I’ve bought so many domains and toyed on Squarespace countless times without ever hitting publish. But as I sit down to eat my spaghetti and celebrate, I’m like wait. Hold up. I’m doing it again.
I’m focusing on what I’m producing to dictate my perception of my day and a job well done. My intention is not set on external metrics of successful creation. My focus is on how creativity feels….
I was inspired this morning to take a picture of my food feat. Toast (the cat). It was beautiful!
I cooked some version of this pretty much every single day on my trip - various potato types and egg styles. The captain popped in my head and I thought it was funny. I felt ease.
I’d been thinking about instagram the past few days and the post was coming from a place of present inspiration rather than pushing to post something that mimics a grand “look at me” entrance - an option I considered.
Today, when I was working on a short video piece about time freedom and control, it took a direction I wasn’t expecting as it expanded. A call to question of a bigger vision. What is the piece really about? Why do I want to write about my relationship to freedom? I think about effective mental health and education strategies for students as it relates to freedom, flexibility, and control. Ideas bloomed around what it might look like to integrate learning strategies around freedom and control to improve outcomes academically and behaviorally. I went from making a fun voice over vlog to pondering structural integration in health and education.
At first, I’m like dang. I feel confused and frustrated. I really thought I might have something ready for YouTube soon, but I am learning to let my work be full and big sometimes… maybe even contemplate and problem solve larger structures. I don’t have to box it in too early. I can keep sitting and letting it evolve even if it means holding onto it for longer. So often I really want to just jump forward, but there is something bigger here; I can feel it. I feel guided, like being in the process of creativity is helping me learn about things I hadn’t previously considered.
I allowed myself to relax when my inspiration and focused energy shifted. I biked to downtown Santa Fe after lunch. The river trail is beautiful. The trees are yellow! Hopped into the library and Sprouts, where I bought $2.99 organic ground beef. Can you believe that price?? I got two packs (spaghetti baby). I feel peaceful and grateful I can make up my day as I go along.
When I got home, I found myself poking around on Squarespace again. A website has called my spirit on and off for years. Today, my approach was simple; almost intuitive without much left brain thought. I just decided to see a single post through to the end. I put up a blog and cleared out everything else. I don’t need anything else right now. It’s excess. My confusion and attachment to the details stopped me in the past… thinking like 7 steps ahead instead of one: posting a blog. I feel greater clarity, less cluttered mentally.
Now, as I round out this post. I am realizing through reflection on how creativity feels, I am actually spurring more creativity (writing this post). Whereas, if I was focused on specific outcomes, it is more of a start and stop game rather than a continuous, inquisitive dialogue with myself and my creative vision to inform future projects and processes.
It’s Thursday, not Wednesday and I am grateful for the time and space to create.